Class

God is crazy. I've been feeling really.. out of place here. Like my hearts in the lost in found alone. Never good. So in class today we talked about God's love and Cliff just kept rienforcing it. We've heard it all our lives but we really just dug into the Bible to see the power that it really has on us. At the end we made a list of things that get in the way us being absorbed by God's love. A few are: unbelief, rejection, fear etc. When we all began to pray to have us release the sin and the problem that was holding us back I realized that my problem is a combo of unbelief and reject (they go hand in hand really). Basically I guess I realized that I don't let myself feel God's love because I'm too scared to give Him a hold on everything. I still don't feel forgiven for everything I've done so it's like I don't deserve the love. It hit me in class today that it HAS been forgiven. I just haven't let go of it. I'm still struggling to understand how to let go of it when it was such a big part of why I strayed from God emotionally. I didn't want to get close again and then get hurt (and blame it on God). He didn't do it. He was waiting for me to come to be comforted and I never went. It still feels like I've damaged the relationship too much. But in class we're talking about how God's anger is not at me .. it's at the sin and the distance it's putty between us. I want it gone and I want to feel like I'm right there, sitting with God like the Bible says, at the right had of God just like Jesus.